So I received an email the other day which really made me think, a friend was saying that even as we get older and have new and bigger responsibilities, she appreciates the fact as friends we don't glamorize things, we say it like it is. She commented on appreciating that we don't post pictures of our crazy elves day after day, or our "our awesome weekend spent decorating with our well behaved children". I was caught slightly off guard but appreciated the candor and realized that that's what good friends do. I also realized that I find myself biting my tongue and not always saying exactly how I feel because "what would people think??" Well this blog has been a place where I have really been able to be myself and say my thoughts and feelings about life, my family, and my children. So today I think it is time for me to get REAL !!
15 weeks ago today I dropped Reece off at school and Graham who was only six weeks old, and headed off to college, having no idea how difficult the journey would be. Not to mention having to actually put intellectual thoughts together off of maybe 6 hours of interrupted sleep. Many people had asked me if I was planning to take a semester off with having a new baby and honestly I never thought of it. I have waited this long to go back to college, I certainly didn't want to waste anymore time, so how hard can 17 credit hours be with two kids one being a newborn? And in hindsight I am so glad I pushed through, but HOLY COW! I have missed so much of Reece's schooling, Graham is growing and changing, and find myself completely consumed in my own studies unable to take the time to even have Reece read me a book. A parent asked me if I saw the note about designing a yearbook cover, honestly I haven't opened Reece's school bag in three days, not to mention getting home before he is even in bed. About four weeks ago I remember calling my dad crying asking (well not really just needing to vent) if this is all really worth it? I could go back to my part time job where I had time to do things like workout, plan dinner, and sit down with Reece to make fun crafts. He assured me that "Lindsay, this is temporary, you will be done before you know it, and really what you are instilling in Reece(and Graham) about the importance of education will have far bigger rewards then being able to help out as a room mom in his classroom this year!" We spoke about goals and how much more rewarding they are when we have to work hard to fulfill them.."Lindsay you have never chosen the easy path in life, yet it certainly has been worth it!!" While I certainly know he is right, I struggle with not being able to do it all.
Did I forget mention that Christmas is 12 days away. I finally made the time to get the tree decorated two days ago, even putting a small tree in Reece's room, and our village put up (well most of it). Reece came home from school the other day so excited to see the house decorated. It made it all worth it!! And so while I haven't even begun my Christmas shopping I know that after my last final today, it will be time to get out and find the perfect presents.
Yet what I have learned through all of it is that I really do treasure the moments when I have a half an hour before dark on a warm December day where Reece and I can play football, or when I lay on the floor next to Graham and laugh and coo at each other for 15 minutes straight. My house certainly is not clean, my pants are still to tight on me, the boys are not always bathed, I holler at Gregg way to much out of my own frustration, there is laundry needing to be folded on almost every available chair in the house, yet I am really proud of my family and what we have accomplished these past 4 in a half months because of our commitment to following through and working hard. I hope that the next two in a half weeks can be filled with lots of elf pictures and Christmas festivities with the boys being perfectly behaved (yeah right!), however quite honestly I will have no problem sharing it because I have waited a long time to be able to really enjoy it!!
But in the meantime I have one last final in two hours so I better stop procrastinating and get back to studying while Graham is sleeping!!
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